No Ordinary Princess

...anything but ordinary...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Now THIS Sucks!

I'm 49 years old and have been (Guys, you might want to skip right over this's strictly girl talk!) getting my period since I was 16. For the last dozen years, I have forsaken my neat little 28 day cycle in favor of menstruating every 21 to 25 days, often with raging pre-menstrual syndrome. I think my body offering herself up to fertility for 33 years is quite enough, thank you.

~~~Post-related humor break~~~
Recent studies have shown that a woman's impression of a man's physical presentation varies in relation to where she is in her menstrual cycle. Immediately following menstruation, women tend to prefer men approximately five to ten years older, about 3 inches taller and clean-shaven. Immediately prior to menstruation, women tend to prefer a man dipped in tar, strapped to a straight-backed chair with a television strategically placed and tuned to HGTV and a remote control
juuuuuust out of reach. Oh, and with 2 inches of an 8-inch knife blade protruding from his left temple. Then set ablaze.
~~~Resume post~~~

So, I've been fairly dancing the hoochie-coochie recently. For the first time in over a decade, I have gone five or six weeks without a period! Woot! Woot! Woot!

Okay, I've had a few days here and there when I've had a little breast tenderness and I've felt a little knot in my back sometimes (I HATE back cramps!) but it went away with
no period to follow!

I was a fairly miserable bitch at work today (another personal goal met...a good day) ; ) but that's not unusual. But, this evening, my back started to hurt. I may have pulled something pulling a patient up in bed. This is the kind of stuff nursing shortages do, by the way. You're so busy and you know your co-workers are, too, so you use all your proper body mechanics and try to do something a little bit more than you should do alone. Then backs get hurt and nurses are out on medical leave and things are even shorter.

It's a strong ache in my low back, more on the left than the right, which has now spread into my buttocks and upper, posterior thighs. Very achy. Kind of like...menstrual cramps! And my lower legs ache a bit too, just like...

Sheee-it! Surely God could not be that cruel!

Considering that I haven't had a period in a month and a half, I will probably bleed like a stuck pig when I do menstruate again. Please.
PLEASE!? Not on vacation!!!!!


Technorati tags: bitchy / humor / life / middle-age / nursing / women


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